Cheers

I dreamed last night that I woke up late because my alarm clock had grown arms and legs and run away. Then, as I stumbled into the kitchen I discovered a crocodile was eating Cheerios on my kitchen floor. Being late, I decided to pass on breakfast and returned to my bedroom to dress. I took off my nightgown, slipped into some edible panties, pink tights, a torn tutu, and my basketball jersey. I then slipped on my funky purple tennis shoes, went to the bathroom, brushed my teeth, braided my hair into a pig tail, climbed out my bedroom window, got on my bicycle, and peddled off to school.

When I got there the first thing I saw was Tiger Woods smacking at weeds on the front lawn with a long-handled tire iron. Nearby was a group of Tibetian monks who seemed to be involved in some kind of limbo contest. And behind them there was a three-legged dog frantically chasing a peacock in circles while barking loudly out of tune.

Once inside the school I saw several uniformed football players running through the main hallway, with two cheerleaders chasing them, waving pompoms and singing a ‘mature’ version of the school fight song.

When I entered my classroom I noticed that our teacher, Mr. Chomsky, wasn’t there yet. Everyone was sitting quietly, looking puzzled. Then suddenly he fell through the ceiling and landed on his feet just in front of the podium. He was completely naked except for a large pair of sunglasses, a red bowtie, and polka-dot clown shoes on his feet. He immediately burst into a fiery lecture on East European culture, which was peppered with Russian curse words, and punctuated by what looked like some kind of Polish tap dancing. At the conclusion of the lecture, he smiled at everyone and began artfully juggling blackboard erasers while we left the room.

As I was leaving the building I noticed that Tiger Woods was now riding MY bicycle back and forth on the sidewalk in front of the school, angrily throwing golf balls at the departing students. Fortunately, the boy who lives next door to me was about to ride away on his peddle-powered, two-seat ice cream cart. I climbed on the back and we peddled off for home…with me hoping that the crocodile in my kitchen this morning would have finished the Cheerios, and be long gone.

The End